G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra

There are bad movie to game adaptations… And then there’s G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra, a game so terrible, it makes me wonder how EA can afford to waste money on garbage like this during such recession fueled times. Now I’m no game developer but I don’t understand for the life of me how anyone with even half a brain could green light this project. It looks like ass, it plays like ass and it reeks of well... ass. The game has absolutely no redeeming quality to it. How is it that no one at EA pulled the plug on this project from day one?

In case you haven’t got it by now, G.I. Joe is a horrible game. When you boot up the game for the first time you’ll actually blink your eyes multiple times in disbelief and check the console you’re running it on. I’ve seen better visuals on PSone (YES PSone) games. If blind talentless baboons with no hands were shoved into one room they would probably come up with a better looking game. In all my years as a game reviewer I have never seen such a bad looking game. Character models are ghastly, animations are atrocious and levels look so bland and boring you’ll end up overdosing on anti-depressants.

Also who’s awesome idea was the camera angle? It’s not 3rd person nor is it isometric. It’s stretched back a 100 feet behind your character making him look like a distant object. The gameplay in Rise of Cobra is so rudimentary and boring, I’m actually a bit insulted as a gamer and an end consumer. I mean who were EA targeting this game at? Monkeys? There’s no way any sane human could derive even five minutes of pleasure from this abomination.